the eyes have it...

Well, today was our tiny gray girl's appointment with the ophthalmologist (notice the extra 'h' and 'l'? I've been misspelling it all along!). I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was a bittersweet experience. I had tears in my eyes more than once for several different reasons, and maybe some I don't even know.
First of all, let me say that Dr. Studer was incredibly knowledgeable and nice. He was gentle with Gracie and didn't rush her through the testing. He took time to explain things to me and answer my questions. The Animal Ophthalmology Clinic is on Trinity Mills and the Tollway and is basically a 3 story building with all kinds of veterinary specialists housed there. I never knew we had all of that available to us! Good to know for future reference. Anyway, at first I thought that the entire building surely couldn't be all for animals but judging by the occasional pile of poop (of which some had been stepped in and tracked) I figured only animal people would allow that. Don't get me wrong, it was exceptionally clean and free of animal 'odors'. They just had some accidents on the main crosswalk to the parking lot. Apparently, the owners of those dogs missed the 'Please walk your dog on the grass' sign. Anyway, I digress...again...
Gracie and I went to the second floor, which was her first ride in an elevator. She was a little scared but did great. I had to carry her in or it would have taken us forever. She's still learning to trust us on a leash and when we are in new terrain, she is especially cautious on where she is walking. And if you attempt to encourage her by pulling gently on the leash, she just locks up her front legs and leans back; refusing to go anywhere. Once again proving that Princess Gracie likes to do things at her own pace and prefers that they be her idea and not ours. I guess in a way, you have to be somewhat passive aggressive when you have a handicap you are coping with. After finding out she weighed 30.5 pounds, I didn't feel so bad that my arms were tired after carrying her from the car to the office on the 2nd floor! Our tiny girl isn't so tiny anymore!
She wandered a little in the office but she knows that if she hovers in front of me enough, I'll pick her up. So there I am, trying to fill out paperwork with a 30 pound Weim on my lap. Oh, and all the way in from the parking lot, at the elevator and in the office, we heard the usual 'oohs and awes'. She just eats that up! This girl can work a crowd! Oh, and I did get asked if she was going to grow into those ears...I'm not thinking so. They just keep growing with her and that's one of the things I love about her!
The girl that takes us back to the exam room knows our rescue well. She said she sees us at all the dog events she attends (yay for WRNT!) and that she thinks we do great work (yay for WRNT!). Then she asked if the small female with the crooked spine was doing well. I told her yes, Dollie is alive and thriving in the home of one of our volunteers. And, not only did she have a home, she actually had two since Pam and her daughter share her. It's SO nice to meet people in the healthcare field who actually remember patients and are interested in how they are doing.
Sorry, got off track...
That girl and another assistant performed a few tests on Gracie and then took history from me about her blindness. I told her we had very limited information and explained the story we all know too well. When Dr. Studer came in, he listened to the story again and asked a few questions, most of which I didn't know the answer since we've only had her a short time. He explained that he would do his exam and then discuss the findings with me. Long story short, he did multiple tests with the room lights on and off. He spent a lot of time looking into her eyes and testing her reflexes. By this time, my 'nervous mommy' feeling in the pit of my stomach is kicking in and I'm tearing up. I just want the best for Gracie and it's frustrating not to know what that is.
He finishes up and sits down (can you believe that?! he actually has time to sit and talk to me!) to share his results and opinion. I realize I'm holding my breath and getting light-headed so I'm having to remind myself to breathe. He tells me that Gracie's eyes are in perfect health. Her eyes have everything they need to function normally. I'm holding my breath again...breathe...this could be really good or really bad... He said that it's something behind her eyes, either the optic nerve or something (here comes my least favorite word when it comes to Gracie) neurological. He can't say what because he doesn't know enough about that area of medicine but he can say that her eyes are in perfect health. I asked about her not flinching when he put his hand to her eyes and he explained that that reflex isn't a good indicator at her age because it doesn't really start functioning in puppies until they are about 6 months old. And then he said, "I can definitely say she wasn't born blind." (There went my theory.) Not sure why, but that stirred up some emotions and I teared up again! It's so frustrating when you are trying to be an adult in a situation and your emotions get in the way. I guess it just makes me more angry to think her blindness might have been prevented.
Anyway, I can tell he has more to say and seems reluctant to say it. He basically tells me that we should have her evaluated for neurological damage. Can your heart sink and break at the same time? Dr. Studer has concerns about her circling behavior and abnormal gait. He called it ataxia. From my limited medical knowledge, I know that this means lack or coordination and balance. Due to my Type A / obsessive-compulsive personality tendencies, I have spent time today researching ataxia on the internet, specifically in dogs. It was a little unsettling to read about some things that Gracie does...her high-stepping walk, tight circling, wobbly gait, falling over when turning sharp corners, weakness in hind legs and slipping on smooth surfaces... We had been attributing much of this to her physical weakness and recovery early on and lately, her being a gangly and uncoordinated Weim puppy. After all, it's been 10 years since Maggie was a puppy and we can't remember HOW uncoordinated she was. But judging by the reading I've done today, Maggie was not this uncoordinated. Don't take this wrong. It's not like she can't stand or is falling over constantly. She is just basically weak in her hind legs.
So now I'm half listening to the doctor because my head is spinning all of this information around and trying to make the pieces fit together in some logical way. He mentioned something about "needing to know where she is neurologically for placement purposes". Placement? God has already 'placed' her where she needs to be. More talk and then something about seizures. What? She hasn't had any since we have had her. But then out of all that talk soup comes something I can wrap my heart around..."the neurologist can tell you if there is anything that can be done to improve her sight". This is too much to hope for and not even neccessary but would nonetheless be another miracle to add to this crazy journey!!! He did not say that she would, or might, ever get complete sight back. But the thought of her getting anything back and being that much more independent makes me smile.